Characters: Link, Lavi, Allen, Madarao
Summary: Because it's the most annoying game in the world. (thanks to
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
meggle_star and symbolism_egg for their inspiration (meggle for the idea, symbolism for the character choice XD) A/N: I also don't write Link enough. Or Madarao. I have a feeling I sucked majorly. Ah, well XD Also was creating a 'mock' schedule for next semester. Holy crud. 3 classes back-to-back. Can I say DO NOT WANT? T^T
WARNING: AU, annoying clicking, minesweeper, Lavi being annoying, being apologetic, Allen eats way too much, etc.
He was quite certain a certain redhead had something better to do. In fact, he was positive he did. Like, say, maybe a paper, or Calculus, or heaven forbid, Anatomy. After all, the man was taking enough classes wasn’t he? He should be swamped in schoolwork.
Except he wasn’t. Of course.
He was playing Minesweeper. Eyes (well, eye) glued to the screen, clicking the mouse repeatedly, to avoid getting the mine and—
He never understood the concept of the game to begin with, but he was pretty sure now, he more than understood.
Understood when a half an hour passed—and the man was still sitting there, clicking away. It made his fingers twitch, and the text swim on the page he was supposed to be looking at. Did the man not realize how insufferably annoying that was?
Apparently not.
Link was more than certain hair pulling would be involved if this kept up. But he remained calm, until another set of 30 minutes passed, and he found himself re-reading the same sentence for the third time over.
Click, click, click
A hissed, “Dammit!”
Well. That was it.
He slammed his hands down on his desk, completely ignoring when it made the younger man jump and curse violently.
With a pointed look—scathing, he was sure, when he saw the man flinch—he grabbed his jacket, and books, and promptly left. He made sure to slam the door on the way out.
****
Except, of course, little annoyances just seemed to follow him wherever he went. He had already known the library wasn’t an option (the redhead would probably seek him out to, heaven forbid, apologize and then mercilessly poke fun at him). It was too noisy there for accurate study time anyway.
And the cafeteria—that had been a bad idea as well (Allen had easily found him, with his big pile of food and had attempted mild conversation. Which, of course, was blatantly stiff at best. They both knew their place, and they saw each other far too often for either of their sakes, so it was no wonder neither was overly distressed when quick ‘goodbyes’ were made.
So how he found himself in the lobby of some building he didn’t even remember the name of (though from the sharp pungent smells coming from the nearby stairwell, he could guess it was the Chemistry building), he supposed he was just thankful it was quiet.
Well. Or at least. It had been. He had to wait for the small swarm of students—at every hour and fifteen interval—to make their way through, but it was certainly better.
Certainly.
Until he felt a figure loom over him.
“Link?”
And that voice.
Lovely, so very lovely.
He exhaled, the weight of the day finally settling just a little firmer over his shoulders, “What?”
“You’re…studying.” He gave the statement a stiff nod, “In the Chemistry Building.”
The question, he sighed at. Wasn’t it obvious?
The man didn’t ask why. And for a moment Link had the small hope the man would just leave. But of course not.
“Yes in the Chemistry Building.” He finally answered after the eyes had stared too long at the book in his lap, “What of it?”
“Why not your dorm room?”
He gave the man another pointed look, and was pleased (maybe) at the lightbulb that went off, “Ah, your roommate?”
He gave a curt nod.
“What did he do this time?” Like he really cared to know, “Start organizing his socks?”
“No.”
“You used to do that all the time.” What do you watch me when—
He exhaled, “I’m. trying. To. Study. For. An. Exam.”
“I see that, but here? What about the library?”
“Too noisy.”
“The library?” He gave him another look, “Ah, well, that’s true.” He more than noticed a few students stop and stare at them—at the…rather onesided conversation. But he didn’t care. No. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Not really. He needed to study again, and the page was pleasantly blurring again.
No. Not pleasant. Not pleasant at all.
“Shouldn’t you be in class?” He didn’t exactly hide the venom in his voice, but it did slightly irk him how unaffected the man appeared to be.
“TA,” he answered simply, “He doesn’t need me in the beginning of class. I take attendance at the end.”
Wait.
Oh. Right.
“Graduate student.”
The man smirked, “Undergrad.”
And in a fit of impulsiveness he would deny come evening, he flicked his pencil at the man, stood up promptly and—
Tried to leave.
“Link.”
“Madarao.”
People were staring.
He jerked his arm out of the other man’s grip—it was looser than normal, he was sure—and continued walking.
He’d need to find another place to study. Or else he’d have an apologetic redhead and a…green haired freak after him.
Though somewhere in the back of his mind, he had the sneaking suspicion that he should probably just give up.
Except he wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be like him after all.
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:Roommate brushing their teeth
Comments
(But oh, can I empathize. Minesweeper makes me wants to, um, throw large things. At random passerbys. I FEEL HIS PAIN. ._.')
(...*wince* Large stuffed elephant kind of large things?)
Gahh, I don't let how people can play it so much! I get irritated after like, two games, and have to remove myself from the vicinity.
(Large stuffed elephants.. or slightly smaller grand pianos? :D)
Cooking conventionhe'd like the cooking conventions too XDIt is rather more of a weekend thing. And who would he go with?ALLEN. Or Allen would stalk him there. Maybe he'd go with Madarao's sister? In an act of...kindness? I dunno *pulling options outta the air* and if he goes with Madarao's sister, then there could be lotsa stalking involved. If Madarao stalks XDAllen would totally go for FREE FOOD :D The stalking would be to ensure Link doesn't leave his sister alone and run away~XD OF COURSE and then he'd like scamper off somewhere...leaving Link and Madarao's sis *what is her nammmmeee?* Tevak? Tavak? Something vak? *really can't remember* yeah that and he doesn't trust his childhood friend with her. Oh nooo...XD I wonder if Madarao's a protective older brother?And the sad fact is that he can't even do that, not without the other people bugging him about what's wrong.
Madaroa could get away with standing by quietly, and GRINNING all the time.haha, I can totally see Lavi doing something like that and annoying poor Link to no end. xD
by the way, I never really understood how to play Minesweeper...Don't worry. I don't really know either XDOkay, finally found some time to comment as promised. I like the characterization and mood in this, and your choice of characters (obviously), and you really conveyed Link's annoyance well. I also liked the tension in the scene with Madarao. <3
Also, I like this sentence a lot: "He exhaled, the weight of the day finally settling just a little firmer over his shoulders."
So yes, the character interaction is excellent as well...poor Link. Lavi would be annoying like that, wouldn't he?
All right! Now comes the concrit part. (If you don't want concrit, I can delete this comment.) After reading a number of your fics, I feel that there are a couple stylistic issues that, if addressed, would improve the quality of your writing.
The issues deal with names. You tend to start sections with "He/She" and not mention the POV character's name until paragraphs into the section. Unless you have a good reason not to name the POV character, there's no reason to be vague about who it is. At times (not in this fic, because the summary only mentions three characters) I've read sections without names or sufficient context thinking I'm reading about Character A, when in fact I'm reading about Character B, and then I have to go back and re-read while picturing the right person. A lot of fic writers seem to do this.
As usual, there are exceptions to this rule, but if you're writing their name eventually anyway, why not do it sooner? It makes for clearer writing.
The other issue is overuse of epithets like "the redhead." It's also useful to think about character voice here. Would Link really think about his own roommate as "the man?"
His own boyfriendMadarao? My guess is that he thinks of them by their name, or, being Link, their title, if they have one. Constant use of "the man" gives the impression that Link forgot his own roommate's name, and contributes to the problem of obscuring character identity for no reason.There's more info about this here. Another useful thing to do is, the next time you're reading a favorite published novel, pay attention to how the author you love handles the use of names, dialogue, etc.
...Okay, that got long. Rest assured this is not intended to be negative--I like your fics and I wouldn't comment on something I didn't enjoy reading.
Now that that's over with I can comment on the next one without concrit. Aren't you happy?
I'm glad you liked it XD (all things considering...er like right now--I'm playing Madarao in an RP I'm doing so I wanna get GOOD at him, y'know? *laugh*) as for Link *sigh* he's still iffy with me but glad you liked him XD
Glad you liked that line XD *again doesn't remember writing it but whatever*
and now for teh CC addressment
About the He/She placement--I...yeah...I Do do that a lot. And I really don't mean to XD (I mean it CAN get confusing) though most of the short things on here--I try to address the names first (thankfully I remembered to on this piece) but...I guess...I rely heavily on Characterization? That's probably really bad but I view everyone as different--so to me it's easy to tell who's who by their actions XD though I do also do it sometimes because I WANT to be unclear (I WANT people to go back and re-read and go 'oh it's him?') though again...yeah I need to really watch it XD I don't think you're the first person to bring that up, actually *blinks* (though the other person who did--pointed it out for something...but it was intentional that way)
Why not write the name sooner? Cuz it doesn't flow right XD That's the easiest way I can explain it. *likes being vague, again* and knowing who it is right off the bat really ruins a piece for me sometimes *always likes to guess* though again I guess I should probably cut down on that...? *depending on the style of fic*
AND YES...er, I always try to catch those when I go back and re-read (though if I don't then...uh they stay there...and you have the right to point them out XD) Cuz you're right. Though Link *to me* would use 'the Man' especially if he doesn't want to have any relation to that person. I dunno, it just seems colder...and I don't really think he'd use their names or even titles that much...but then *shrugs* it depends on the way I take Link. (whether in the particular piece--he's in the MOOD to be respectful--or in the mood to just say 'you're like everyone else now'...do you understand? ^^; *not sure if that makes any sense whatsoever*)
Anddd it wasn't. You pointed out some good things--and I understand that XD I respect you as a writer so it makes me HAPPY that you commented, even on something like this that's short and isn't supposed to mean much of anything.
That being said. I write everyday--and, well, my only goal with this (mainly) is to get the idea out when I have it so I don't forget it. I don't expect it to be perfect. I expect there to be mistakes in there. Now if it was actually a longer piece (which LJ seems to be vehemently against right now O.O) then I would care more and would pay more attention to detail. again this was just to get an idea out in the moment XD THAT BEING SAID THOUGH--I still wrote it. And the CC received will be taken to credit where it belongs *in other fanfics*
And above all else THANK YOU for commenting~ I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! *HUUUUGS*
If you didn't mean to do it, well, that's why it helps to have readers point out things the writer might not see. Of course you can tell who's who--you're the one writing it--but there are times when it's not actually clear in the text. I absolutely agree with using characterization to establish who you're talking about, which can be vital in first-person POV fics, but the end result is that the reader should know who they're reading about, right? In which case, you might as well write their name in paragraph 1 instead of paragraph 5.
There are exceptions to this--an extreme example is a book where one of the main characters had part of his brain removed and couldn't remember his name or parts of his past--but if your POV character knows their name, or another character's name, concealing identities from the reader without a good reason doesn't make a story deeper. Speaking as someone who loves confusing stories that are a challenge to read, when I reread parts of those stories, I want to reread for the content, not because the writer neglected to mention an obvious detail. When I have to go back and start over in a fanfiction chapter because I was picturing Meiko instead of Miku (rough draft of a Vocaloid fic), I just feel annoyed.
Hm, that's interesting that you like guessing who you're reading about. I think it does depend on the style of the story, too, though. If there's some point to the guessing (murder mystery scenes? :D) I can see enjoying it, but in most of the fics I've seen it's a matter of "Why doesn't she just replace the first 'he/she' with 'Link/Miku/Link/etc?'" Names won't interrupt the flow of the story.
As for the Link POV, ignoring that overuse of epithets is a bad idea in general, I see Link as strictly categorizing people by name, rank, and level of suspicion. If anything, he tends to use others' full names (not just "Allen Walker" but "Linalee Lee") in canon more often than is normal. Also, if you're trying to make it a distinguishing characteristic of Link's character voice, it doesn't really work because you also use "the man/woman" frequently when writing for other POV characters.
Thanks for understanding. XD I like your fics and admire aspects of your writing, too, such as your great ability to convey emotion and tension, but I feel dishonest if I comment without bringing up the things that could be improved. It makes me feel like I'm telling my friend "OH YOUR DRESS IS SO GORGEOUS" without pointing out that there's a ketchup stain, or something. But I've already brought up the main things, so that's over with. :P
That's great that you write every day. In the end, fic writing is for fun, so it doesn't really matter if you don't edit heavily--everyone has the right to post what they want. (Of course, since it's in public now, readers have the right to say WTF IS THIS (although I personally wouldn't comment on fics where that's what I had to say XD).) In my case, I usually edit a lot and enjoy giving/receiving concrit, so that's the approach I take to commenting. SO, thank YOU for reading my long-ass comments.
*frolics through field of flowers, hugs*
For me I did a fanfic (request fic-for the ABC fic meme) where--at the end you aren't supposed to know who it is (it's either Allen or the 14th) or, well, you're suppose to choose who you want it to be. Basically meaning it can be read two different ways. Yes that might annoy people but again, I like it so I'm keeping it *shrugs* (also got really good feedback on that one. Which is interesting XD *didn't think the first half made much sense* but it was fun as heck to write~)
*makes notes for Link's POV* Um I did something (really short--another request piece--called Bonds) where Link was a character in it. Someone said he was IC for the situation, but could you take a look at it? *not comfortable writing him* but that might help, definitely *nod* thank you~ (my hope is to get his characterization down so that I can actually write a Link x Allen / Allen x Link fic for once XD *since I like reading them so much*)
Annnd I need to thank you too. Because of your advice, I went back and re-read one request that I did (Lavi x Kanda) and I actually found things I could edit (like I used 'the man' way too much--even though in the fic they were in an intimate relationship), I think it's something I do (writing 'the man' or something vague like that) when I'm in a hurry to not lose inspiration. *cough* I'm bad about doing that, then leaving it because if I look at a fic immediately after uploading it--I'll wanna change like 10 things in it XD But yeah thanks again, seriously XD *is much more conscious of it now*
Ahah yeah I mean--like I mentioned just above here *points* my biggest issue is that if I look at a fic right AFTER I read it-and am in the mood to nitpicket it...well...I generally end up changing too much of it. So I really have to watch it XP Or else I lose the original idea/etc. And sometimes I like the fact that some stuff isn't perfect--because it conveys more what I was thinking while writing it (you can tell I'm more prone for working with 'feeling' in fanfics, more than I am for actual...grammatical/structural correctness. I worry about that afterward/if it fits *nod*) so yeah, I mean I appreciate concrit obviously--cuz no one's perfect. Just...if it takes up the bulk of the comment (and I'm not in a really good mood) then it feels like the person's saying "I didn't like it" no matter--if they did (so when I give reviews I tend to point out lines I like--then do CC. If the person has too MUCH CC in it *like I notice too many things that are wrong* I'll say 'go back and re-read' and I'd rather consider something a typo than call it CC--because EVERYONE does that. I mean really ^^; we're all human. )
So yeah--you're welcome XD *likes long comments obviously* they mean a lot. *nod nod*
what kind of flowers? 8D
Ambiguity in a story can work very well, and in that case an ambiguous ending sounds pretty cool. But there's "purposely ambiguous" and then there's "confusing for no reason," so
Oh right, I read that one. I was going to say it might take me awhile to give feedback...but if you just want my thoughts on Link's characterization, I can sum it up in a few sentences. I thought his characterization was perfect UNTIL he suddenly decided to give Allen a handjob. Considering his character, there was no reason for him to do that--I don't care if Link is in love with Allen, like you hinted at, or if he thinks Allen is teh sexy, that's not enough of a reason for Link to suddenly do that, much less without Allen's consent. Link is too reserved, too prim and proper. I can see him acting on impulse, but not in such a drastic way, so I would recommend establishing more of a reason for him to do that, if you want to (like...IDK, Crown Clown won't let Allen go until then?). I mean, it's smut, so if you're just after the sex, then go for it, but since you asked, those are my thoughts on his characterizations in that fic. Also, that was waaaay more than "mild hintings" of Link/Allen, so you might want to change the Warnings. XD
Oh good, I'm glad that helped! :) Often it takes an outside eye to catch things.
You tell people who give you a lot of concrit to reread your fics? o.o;; That makes it sound like you're blaming your readers for disliking a fic...It's entirely possible to understand something and still dislike it. (And I'm speaking about fics and writing in general here--I like your fics.) If someone liked it but was just confused, and you know them pretty well, then maybe, but it's hard to see it as anything other than condescending.
Content is more important than spelling and grammar in a way, because so many books and stories have perfect grammar but still suck. There are some fics with some English errors or odd sentence structure (like by EFL/ESL writers) that I love because of what the story's about. On the other hand, if there are rampant spelling and grammatical errors, I'm not going to wade through them to get to the ideas, no matter how brilliant. So I think some attention should be paid to both.
Typos are unintentional errors. Concrit means giving a more broad or critical look at how the story can be improved.
Daisies. XD
mm I go for purposely ambiguous but those endings are kinda hard to do especially when people don't get you did it on purpose XD therefore it TURNS INTO confusing ambiguous to them because they don't understand it ^^; (mostly for language barrier reasons, from what I've found...)
Hah...yeah I thought so. And it's kinda bad of me but the reason I threw Link in there was because who the request was FOR (this person um, kept...bugging me. And bugging. me and BUGGING me. To fill requests. That one request. ANY request that she saw that she liked. And basically that prompt--was one she asked for on the kink meme, and I had seen it--so I was kinda upset that she was forcing me to do a prompt she already had a solid idea for since that kills my creativity XD So I really don't think I'd be able to look at that fic again for a while without feeling bitter XD But you just brought some stuff to light that I need to work on *cough* so thank you for that ^^
mhm yep I'm VERY paranoid with how many times I use certain descriptors again XD (very annoying in the RPs I'm doing but--meh can't do much about that without sounding overly picky XD)
....*laugh* no no no...*shakes head* I say at the beginning of the fic that I make it confusing on purpose. And every person so far that I've told to re-read (and actually does it) realizes that the question they asked was already answered in the text--essentially they find it themselves. this stems off of me feeling like an idiot multiple times from reading a chapter once--and not getting it, asking a question--only to come back LATER and realize it was RIGHT THERE, and I would have only caught it had I re-read. Same goes for books you would read in an English class. basically I wanted people to use their heads for this fic--to try and find the answers themselves because I do put most in there (now if they don't ask a question that can be found in the chapter--I DO help them. Try to give them hints at what I have--or refer them back to certain chapters)...I can see how that can be condesending with out be explaining my reasons behind it first ^^; my bad, my bad *cough*
Exactly.
I consider any pointing out of mispellings (of words) to be typos. because they ARE typos to me. *has a spellcheck, has her own eyes, and often times a beta-er too* and often times I write when I'm REALLY tired, so it's just a slip of the wrist XD
Now if people would say CC and use it for more than just a grammar spell check then *shrugs* They don't...use CC to explain--further plot. THAT is labeled under just a normal review for me (like if they have questions about certain aspects of it/etc...)
You can see it kinda got screwed up *the terminology* XD
*and now she's off to upload another fic with Link in it* gahhh now I'm nervous about it. I just...can't get him right for some reason XP *and is in a really crappy mood right now too, so* *sigh*
DAFFODILS
Yes, partly it's subjective. Recently I read a very confusing book involving, among other things, multiple alternate universes and versions of the characters. Even though I was confused, I liked it a lot because of the rich writing style and mythological themes, but numerous other readers hated it because they found it pedantic and overly chaotic. (It was Vellum by Hal Duncan, if you wanted to know.)
Aww, that's too bad someone kept pushing you to write something. :/ That's no fun. You don't OWE anyone a fic--I mean, if you agreed to write something for someone you should try, but if someone's pressuring you to write something for them, it's fine to say no. I would be bitter too. Did you add Link to make it more interesting to yourself? XD Anyway, yeah, from what I've seen you have a good grasp of Link's character. Also in the fic you just posted, he seemed quite ic. (I read pretty much anything with Link in it, but forgive me if I don't always comment--often sexual or pairing fics are just Not My Thing.) But yes, you've learned that Link does NOT suddenly give Allen hand jobs. XD Also, it would be nice if more ficwriters remembered that he's a Crow, and can defend himself to some extent. *remembers a TERRIBLE, disturbing, and ooc Link-bashing fic from the very first kinkmeme* >.<
Yeah...usually the best option is to use their name or title, depending on POV or who's talking. Epithets are frowned upon. If you must have a character label, stick to one. I see waaaay too much of "the blue-haired Crow said..." or "the young, white-haired Exorcist slapped..." And "the man/woman" makes it sound too impersonal. That's what the POV character calls a newly arrived stranger. XD
Ah, it makes more sense if that's the way you like to approach stuff you don't understand. I'd be careful with that, though. And feel free to point out anything I missed, but don't insist I reread an entire fic/chapter. XD
That's true, sometimes "typos" falls under the umbrella of concrit, and different beta readers give different types of feedback. It's hard to find a beta, but one of mine only corrected typos (which is also helpful!) while another gave more in-depth critique.
Aww, I'm surry you're not feeling well. :/
Both?
I like confusing books too *nod* though it also depends on the subject but that looks interesting (another book to add to the list...if I ever get time to read for my own pleasure again XP)
Well it was for the ABC fic meme, obviously, and I told this girl about because she kept pressuring me into doing kink meme fills (she didn't understand the concept of where--I might like the PAIRING, but I don't like the prompt) and I thought I'd be nice. XP Yeah basically I did since it was originally just Crown Clown and Allen--and then I was like "To heck with it" even though I really knew Link wouldn't do that XP *the handjob* And...you...thought he was? Well that's good *sigh* I mean you could probably tell (with the most recent thing) I was pushing myself really hard to make it rated M (if I had my way with it it would've just been a conversation XP ) but I promised myself I'd fill out ONE round because--I never got to finish my Lavi x 14th one. And like--in general I'd rather write something that wasn't lemony but --since I've taken on the kink meme stuff that tends to happen more than I would like. BUt I LIKE filling out requests for people. So *shrugs* And yes--I remember Link is a Crow, which is why the recent fic was kinda painful (the...lime/handjob) because I KNOW he'd fight back, but it has to be rated M and it's like "righttt" *cough*
I felt like I overdid it in the recent thing--though I mean there're only so many titles you can USE before 'the man' has to be used I mean. It's in 3rd person. if You've just used his name and every other title redundantly just--gah x.x *hates that* though saying 'the man' constantly isn't good either. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I'm just much more aware of it now--than I was before.
....AGAIN I left something out *would've been like "What?" if she hadn't re-read what she said* no no I DON'T make someone re-read the whole fic/chapter. That's kinda silly--I mean--really? I point out the section of the chapter that might answer their question, and if they have more stemming from that then I keep answering until they're satisfied (or I have to pull the 'sorry that's too big of a spoiler ^^;' on them) sometimes it's takes a bit of searching but I'm usually able to help 'em out pretty quickly.
I know for me my biggest thing is--the voice of the characters and the feel of it. I--would normally go to my girlfriend for deep concrit like that (she knows me--obviously--she'd be able to do that) but she hasn't read up-to-date on DGM yet so she can only help so much. But usually I don't have big issues with that--and I DO give away spoilers (on my fanfics) to the people I'm closest to/know it's relevant to *like, who actually READS the fic, for instance* so I have a few people who'd be able to go "Oh what about this/that?" it IS helpful *nod* nad gets my ideas in order, but I wouldn't call 'em beta-ers XD *since they don't actual read the chapters beforehand* I find that I've had issues with--when I SEND someone a chapter to my fic--to beta--they don't ever actually REVIEW. And that kinda irks me ^^; I mean I know they already read it but there's still the possibility of missing something--or chances are I've ADDED on something (or even thanked the person for betaing) and I want them to see that ^^;
Nur I feel a bit better now. Two stressful Rpers + me in the center = um...
SURE *hands you both*
If someone's asking for a fic as a gift, they shouldn't be that picky. :/
So I guess I did have some issues with Link's characterization in that fic. XD Because that's it, I can't see him not resisting Komui's advances and leaving the room, and then he'd report Komui's ass to Leverrier or something. Also, I can't see him not knowing what masturbation is, much less reporting it to Komui (at least, not in a serious fic). But other than that, and in terms of his dialogue, he felt like Link. The greater issue was that I couldn't see Komui doing that at all, but then you wouldn't have a porn fic, huh. Basically, it's really hard to get Link to have sex
except with Madaraoin a serious fic. XDThe thing is, you don't have to use titles (epithets), or "the man," or anything other than pronouns and the character names. The character name is neutral and does not distract (in most cases), so the reader simply sees it and keeps reading. This is another thing to pay attention to when reading a halfway decent published novel--the use of epithets for named characters is most likely infrequent, and I'll be really surprised if "the man" is used for an identified character except in rare cases. (Or idiomatically, as in "The man was hopeless.") If you really have to, try picking one epithet, and one that makes sense from the character POV, but still, it makes for better writing not to use it so often. Basically, using epithets--especially long ones, or multiple ones, or ones like "the man" that are jarring in terms of the POV--is distracting.
In a way it's subjective, though. I get the impression a lot of fic readers/writers are so used to reading tons of epithets that they feel it has to be that way. For more info, this page has suggestions for using epithets properly (and I'd never seen that argument against using them before, which was interesting) and this one is also useful, and elaborates on what I've been trying to say about POV issues. (Sorry for all the links. I really enjoy reading articles about writing and fandom, among other things!)
You're really good at conveying character emotions and voice, I think. As for the beta reader thing, I disagree. A beta reader doesn't owe you reviews. Their job should be done by the time you post, and if you think there are still errors to be proofread, you should send the story back to them.
Rping = inevitable drama, unfortunately. >.>
*flings petals*
Mm true. I mean...I can understand they see this perfect vision in their head--but if they can give THAT much detail (and can actually write themselves) then they should take a stab at it.
YES EXACTLY. I mean all I saw in that fic--again--was the conversation between Komui and Link. And then I realized 'ohsh--gotta add pr0n' so I really don't like it that much just for that fact but *shrugs* I did it, and I actually got it OUT on time. For that I can be somewhat proud of myself XD
*reads/makes notes* Mhm...mhm...okay then. *nod* I shall TRY that definitely. Hrm, so in first person POV it would be the same kind of thing *as in 3rd* right? *since I'm currently going through and editing Pressure--which is in 1st person* it'll definitely be something I keep my eyes out for--THANK YOU (again XD)
Usually I freeze up really bad when anything remotely close to 'grammar' pops up (like epithets), so it might take me a while to read those (again I never really LEARNED grammar. So it really makes me feel stupid when someone gives me links like that to articles about people I KNOW know more than I do) so um...^^; thank you but I probably...yeah it'll take me a while to get to those.
Meh well again I don't have a beta-er I just sent her the chapter and, well--she corrected it--but that was it. XD so I didn't hear ANYTHING on what she thought of the chapter. Which I'd like to hear because she's usually able to help me get on track with some ideas (or point things out in the chapter that need expanding on). IF she had in the email I wouldn't have minded, but she never does when I send her stuff, so ^^; *hence again, why I don't usually like people editing my stuff* if the only way they'll say something is in a review for the chapter XP
yeah unfortunately XP at least we all get along really well...
*random* My cereal's getting soggy *yes she eats cereal at 12:41AM at night*
Maybe they didn't think they could pull it off, or just thought it would take too long? But if you're writing something *for* someone, you should have more leeway instead of putting every detail of theirs down on paper (figuratively speaking).
Yes, at least you finished a fic for the challenge! But yeah, forcing pr0nz can make things go ooc fast.
Why do I want to write a fic where Link reports someone for attempted assault nowThanks for considering my suggestions! <333 Yes, the same thing applies to first-person POV. Your average POV character most likely thinks of the other characters by their name, or some variation thereof. Or by an official title, for example, if they belong to a strict organization and are rule-abiding. Link probably thinks of Lev as "Secretary Leverrier" or "the Secretary" (canon!), and if he simply thought of him as "Leverrier" it would strike me as a little off. But that's easy enough to know if you're familiar with canon, so I'll leave that to your instincts now. And I'll stop spamming you with links. XD
No no no, don't feel stupid! The word "epithets" might not be used often in this sense, but those fan-essays are about writing style, not grammar, and they're pretty straightforward. Most of what I know about grammar came through foreign language study, so I'm not really knowledgeable about English grammar. XD
Oh, I see, so your beta wasn't focusing on the things you wanted feedback on? In that case you could ask her for feedback on that, or find an additional beta. (I'm not volunteering here--I'm already editing a friend's ongoing fic, and school starts again tomorrow, so...XD) Personally, I like to give in-depth responses, so it's mostly suggested changes on things to improve, but also my reactions to specific scenes, and pointing out things I particularly like. We usually end up exchanging two or more drafts. Same for when she beta'd for me. <3 But what I hate is when I agree to edit someone's already-posted fic, which is time-consuming, and then they don't do anything with my edit, not even change typos or grammatical errors. :( *veers off into anecdotes*
In that case you can probably work it out. Just communicate what you want and try not to take anything personally, is my suggestion. That first part was learned the hard way.
*mostly lives off soba (no, really)* :P